Category Archives: Parenting

Mele Kalikimaka and Hauoli Makahiki Hou 13

Bullying, Parenting, Principals, Schools, Teachers • Tags: , , , , ,
From the Land Where Palm Trees Sway ©dswalkerauthor

From the Land Where Palm Trees Sway ©dswalkerauthor

From the land where palm trees sway, I want to share with you my dream for the future, as I wish each of you much peace and joy during the holiday season and throughout the coming year.  I hope and pray 2011 is a year of change, where people make an honest effort to be more open minded and really try to educate themselves about differences by reading books like Delightfully Different or similar stories that explain autism spectrum and/ or other differences.

Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream and so do I.  I dream of a world where bystanders, parents, teachers, counselors, principals, and all people stand up to bullies and their parents and let them know it truly is time for change.  I dream of a world that is bully free.  I dream of a world where kindness is rewarded and more highly desired than a football championship.  Kindness, respect, understanding and acceptance should have a greater value in our society.  In the words of Tiny Tim, “God bless us everyone.”

Bullying in the Aloha State

Accountability, Bullying, Forgiveness, Parenting, Principals, Schools, Teachers • Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Lanai from hotel roomWhen my children were younger we read a story book about the Aloha Bear which taught that aloha means hello, goodbye, and love. People also use it to mean peace, compassion, and mercy. Yet, even in Hawaii, we have a bullying problem that isn’t going away. Those who have been reading my blog know this affected my family directly a few years ago.

Hawaii is one of the few states without legislation specifically aimed at bullying, yet the problem is no longer being ignored. The harassment law was amended last year to allow for prosecution of technology related bullying. State leaders are working on ways to curb the bullying. The news media has also been giving it more attention this year. See the following for more information: Cyber bullying affects 1 in 2 Hawaii teens – Hawaii News Now – KGMB and KHNL Home. 

It is time to educate the parents as to their responsibility. For more information about this see my accountability post: Accountability for Protecting Our Children | dswalkerauthor.

A parent’s primary job is to teach their child right from wrong and to protect them from harm. Protect your child no matter what anyone at the school or anywhere else tells you. Protect them by legal means please! Work with me to change the system.

Unfortunately, you will probably also have to help your child learn to forgive so they can completely heal. Becoming the bully is not an option. Becoming an advocate is. It is truly time to change the school climate to one of tolerance and acceptance of differences. I hope some of you will be brave enough to publicly agree with me by commenting here.

Addendum: Hawaii’s anti-bullying law became effective in 2011. However, it excludes over 150 private schools. You can find more posts about bullying by clicking on more supportive schools from the menu or entering bullying in the search area.

Learning Empathy and Tolerance for Others While Helping Our Children 1

Accountability, Education, Empathy, Parenting, Tolerence • Tags: , ,
Photographed at Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History.

Photographed at Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History.

We all have to support each other and try harder to be empathic. It is not always easy to do, and this is especially true when we perceive an attack on our children. The grizzly bear or lioness comes out for me then.  I usually just avoid posting when this happens, because I know I will say something I will regret later otherwise.

Does this mean I always do the right thing?  I only wish this were true.  I too have been guilty of saying the wrong thing, as I think most people have.  I just hope anyone I have ever offended in any way has it in their hearts to forgive me.

It certainly brings home the issue of children bullying others over the Internet. That is why it is so important that we as parents teach our children that the Internet is forever.  They need to understand that it can’t just be torn up or erased.  It is the job of parents and educators to teach this to our children.

My son’s school has a wonderful class that they teach to the sixth graders called Technology.  It is not a quick one time class.  Rather, the class meets daily all year. They learn how to safely navigate the Internet, applicable laws that apply to information on the Internet, as well as, how wrong it is to cyber bully someone. They are learning that they are held accountable for their actions on the Internet.  I think it would be great if every school did this, although given the precociousness of today’s kids, it might need to be done at an earlier age.  Maybe we all need a class like this too!

Mahalo again for listening,

D. S. Walker

Accountability for Protecting Our Children 2

Accountability, Bullying, Parenting • Tags: ,

Mom with kids, Microsoft Office Clip Art. All Rights Reserved

My blog today is related to 20/20’s episode last Friday that has been all over the Internet this past week:  “Bullied to Death” and to Lee Hirsch’s “The Bully Project.” I’m not posting links as they are so easy to find if you chose to google them. Instead, I want to address what wasn’t addressed in either video.

Who is truly accountable for the behavior of the bullies? In my opinion, we as members of society are all accountable for the meanness we are seeing in our schools. Even bystanders have a responsibility to step up and speak up to protect the victims. I hold the schools accountable for my children’s safety when they are under their watch, so yes they do need to have bully prevention programs. They especially need to protect special needs children. However, I hold one group more accountable than any other.

That group is the parents of the bullies because they are not instilling the importance of kindness in their children. You may not agree with me and that is okay. You may believe the parents are unaware and perhaps some of them are. You may say, but they had no way of knowing their child’s actions would cause a child to kill themselves. You may even say it is impossible to police your children 100 percent of the time. You may say another child influenced the child so the parent isn’t to blame.

I say regardless of other influences the first major influence in a child’s life is the parent, but my reason for holding the parent responsible does not end there. You see I know something that some parents seem to have forgotten. I am legally responsible for my children until they reach age eighteen unless they are emancipated. Therefore, I think we actually need to hold the parents responsible. If schools get the bullies’ parents more involved in a way that is not punitive then I think we can really make a positive change.

Let me be clear, I have no desire to sue the parents, although if either of my children are ever severely bullied again, I would not rule this out as an option. I would rather see parents have an understanding of their responsibility, without all the hassle of having to force it upon them.

Remember, I’m all about the importance of forgiveness. Therefore, if they can understand their responsibility, make an earnest effort to teach tolerance and kindness, and get their children to truly understand the consequences of being mean, I will totally forgive them. I think it is time to teach the parents that they have not just an ethical responsibility to teach kindness, but that they also have a legal responsibility to teach kindness to avoid being sued for the damages their unkind children cause.

I think you should know that I hold both of my children accountable for their actions. They have both been taught how wrong it is to be mean. I even had a psychologist tell me once that I made my children to kind. I don’t think this is a bad thing.