Back to How to Forgive Series 3

I have written several posts on forgiveness and I still believe it is important yet, recently I once again found myself stuck and reacting to hurt in ways that I know do not work.

Path to Forgiveness: Part III

Today, I am back on my spiritual path to forgiveness with part three of my review of Dr. Frederic Luskin’s Forgive for Good.  You may remember from my first post that Dr. Luskin makes it clear, “Forgiveness in no way condones cruelty or unkind treatment.” It is about letting go of resentment for your health and emotional well-being.  I thought I was doing this, but recent events prove I have not finished with this yet.

So far, I have changed our story from a negative experience to a positive one as my daughter is doing well since she got away from the negative school environment.  I have spent time focusing on the positives in our lives this year which is the second step. You can do this by looking for and noticing the good even if it is as simple as seeing someone smile or that pet that is happy to see you.

PERT

lt is time to focus on Dr. Luskin’s next step, PERT, the Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique.  This step is about managing our reactions and emotions.  We have to take responsibility for how we feel even if we do not like what happened.

Next is to give a breath of thanks two or three times every day when you are not fully occupied, focus on your breathing, allow air to gently push your belly out and consciously relax your belly as you exhale so it feels soft.  Do this for five to eight times while saying thank you for your life.  Now take two more breaths and then you may resume your regular activity.

Heart Focus

Once you have mastered the technique above, you are ready to move to the heart focus step.  This step is more of a meditation.  Do five minutes of breathing utilizing the soft belly method and then think of a powerful loving memory or a scene in nature that filled you with tranquillity.  Try to re-experience this and hold peaceful feelings for as long as possible.  Do this for ten to fifteen minutes before you slowly open your eyes and resume your activities.  Dr. Luskin suggests doing this three times a week.

You can try a shorter version of this when you are upset for any reason by trying to bring that positive feeling into focus instead so the negativity does not overwhelm you.  This does not mean you are never allowed to feel angry, but rather that you do not let that anger overwhelm you and cause you to make poor choices. Come back tomorrow for the final post on Forgive for Good.

First Book Award for Delightfully Different! 12

Young Voices Foundation

Young Voices Foundation

Young Voices Foundaton.

Young Voices Foundaton.

Today I am grateful. I received the following via e-mail from Bobbi Carducci at the Young Voices Foundation Awards today,

“Congratulations! Delightfully Different has met the criteria for a prestigious BRONZE AWARD by the Young Voices Foundation Awards judges in Categories Regional Youth West Pacific and Regional Teen/YA West Pacific. It also earned a Blue Seal of Approval in the Spiritual/Inspirational Category. Young Voices Awards are sponsored by the Young Voices Foundation and honor books that Inspire, Mentor, and/or Educate Readers of all ages. The announcement will appear on the Young Voices Foundation Awards website within 24 hours. A link to your website will be added within a week.” You can view the results at Young Voices Awards ™. 

Gratitude for Friends, Family, and Tony Attwood 4

This week brought unpleasant old emotions related to family.  I really thought I was over some of these emotions having worked on them years ago.  Yet, I experienced a deep hurt last weekend related to the same emotions.  I am actively working on moving past this and moving forward.  I talked to others this week and came to the conclusion that for whatever reason those involved are incapable of being as supportive as I would like.  It truly is time to let it go and to focus on those who are supportive.  Today I am grateful for members of my extended family who are supportive and for my friends in Blogland, on Facebook, and in person who reached out and offered their support.  I really did get by this week with a little help from my friends and extended family. I am back on track thanks to all of you.  

I am also grateful that as of today Tony Attwood listed information about my novel on his site under fictional books.  You can find it by clicking on this link: Tony Attwood – Author of The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome – Delightfully Different.  Thank you again Tony!  Having your support means the world to me.      

Still a Work in Progress 19

I have to learn to expect less while still hoping for more. I have to try to be as good as my Golden Retriever thinks I am.

I have said it before and I am saying it again. Forgiveness is hard especially forgiving family members who seemingly fail to understand or even to try to understand. I had a small rant on Facebook yesterday related to this. I became the Grizzly Bear Mom again and charged ahead. The thing is I really think the people I get mad with are clueless. They do not see what I expect them to see.

Maybe they cannot see. Maybe they never will. Maybe I have to forgive them anyway and let it go. This is what my child is doing and now she has become the teacher.  I have to go back to my previous posts and make more time to work on the steps Frederic Luskin outlines in his book, Forgive for Good.  I hope to get back to posting about this next week.

Addendum to explain this post:

I asked all of our family to support my daughter and all of them are aware of how hard April and May of 2011 were for us. In July of 2011, I posted a comment to address my daughter’s You Tube video on my personal FB wall. I had posted her video on my wall the previous Thursday. She posted her video on her own FB wall the previous Wednesday, and she okayed my posting her video as long as I shared only with family. I hoped that my family would listen to her video. I believed that her voice and her words would touch their hearts since they have failed to comment on her blog posts.

I thought they were just not comfortable posting on her wall and they would comment on mine. Initially none of them responded, all of the families of my close first cousins responded either on my wall or hers except for one, who is rarely on FB and another, who is on vacation.

My brothers still have not been heard from although two of their wives did respond after my post. They are married to the two brothers who aren’t on FB. The third brother’s wife is never on FB, but he liked something she posted on his wall. I told him about the video when I talked to him Thursday, so I know he knew about it. Still he has not responded to her video. My brothers all married wonderful women, and as I mentioned in a previous post one of my brothers is battling cancer, so I can forgive him completely. Plus, he has always made an effort to stay in touch and to talk to my children.

I honestly believe all three of them love me, but it is very frustrating to realize they can watch my daughter’s video and still not call or at least e-mail. Their wives should not have to handle things for them. I have told them this previously and their wives have told them too. That is why I am so frustrated with them.

My daughter actually wanted to post the video on her blog, but I did not think that is a good idea since so many spammers and others sometimes try to make less than desirable comments on our blogs. That is also the reason I do not openly mention or link to her blog. Her blog has avoided conflict and spam while mine has not. She is growing up, but I am still protective.