Category Archives: Emotional Scars

Dreaming of Acceptance and Understanding and Carefree Days 9

Bully Free, Emotional Scars, Parenting, Special Needs • Tags: , , ,

©DelightfullyDifferentLife

Can you see Pegasus in the clouds? Pegasus is the white-winged horse of greek mythology and a constellation. He has always been special to me. I am not really sure why. Maybe because I grew up with horses. I fell in love with Colorado before I ever moved there listening to John Denver and watching his specials, so naturally when I saw these clouds I thought of the old John Denver song, “Pegasus.”

“A kid knows what he wants to be before he’s nine or ten,
cowboys, clowns and men of war, someone else’s friend.
But nine grows into big boy’s pants and then to scars and pain.”

“…..Tell the one about the man who saddled up the wind,
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.
Pegasus and flying fish and woodmen made of tin.”

©DelightfullyDifferentLife

Do you see the flying fish? It is really a bird, but it looks like a fish doesn’t it? If you use your imagination you can see an angel just above and to the right of him.

I do not have a woodmen made of tin cloud picture, so you’ll have to use your imagination for that one.

You see in the words of Joni Mitchell, “I really don’t know clouds at all.” But, I do know that perceptions of autism frequently are illusions based on limited experience, and I know that nine and ten-year olds or anyone else should not experience bullying. I know it grows into scars and pain.

I had a dream when my daughter was born. A dream of a life filled with joy and happiness, of a house filled with her friends.  I imagined them walking to and from the mall together chatting along the way. I believed with all my heart that it would come true. The bullies and the teacher who had an illusion of Asperger’s and the long-term effects of bullying put a huge hole in my dream, but they did not destroy it.

Her future still holds promise. She dreams of leaving this island and going away to college to somewhere no one knows her. She dreams of starting fresh. She can still grow up and live a full life. She will make friends that share her interests and see her kind heart one day. Tween and teenage years are not the end of her story. I know this because I have met some of my closest friends as an adult. We share a bond of friendship stronger than teenage friends.

The world will be more understanding one day because I and others refuse to allow it to be otherwise.

Groups Set Aside Days for Forgiveness and Today Is One of Those Days 4

Emotional Scars, Faith, Forgiveness, Healing, Life Lessons • Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Luke 6 verse 35 – 37

Do you have someone you need to forgive? You already know I do if you have looked at my Forgiveness and Gratitude page at the top of my blog. And, what better day to forgive or at least to work on forgiving than Global Forgiveness Day?

Apparently, there are multiple dates set aside for forgiveness including International Forgiveness Day, the first Sunday of August. While doing research for this post, I found conflicting information about Global Forgiveness Day. An article at the Huffington Post stated Global Forgiveness Day was on July seventh; so forgive me if I have the wrong date.

My Bible

The exact date is probably less important than actually forgiving. The problem is how do we truly forgive? I am not going to rehash my prior posts since you can read them from the link above if you choose.

Instead, I want you to read a post from my friend, Phil Dzialo, Moving from Apology to Forgiveness to Closure … It Can Happen! He and his family found some closure after their experience with their son’s near drowning while at a summer day camp. He mentions a book, On Apology, by Dr. Aaron Lazare in his post. It is a book I highly recommend as I have been reading it upon Phil’s suggestion. It has helped me to understand there are times when we need an apology to help us to continue healing.

However, there are also times when you can learn to forgive without actually receiving an apology as noted in my prior posts about Dr. Frederic Luskin’s book, Forgive for Good. This seems to work better when the offense is in the past. However, even then it does not always work. This is especially true if you keep hearing stories about how great the people who offended you are. Imagine hearing this when you know that they really have not changed.

This is when an apology becomes extremely important. Otherwise it is too easy to get lost in anger, and that is not a good thing. Anger consumes you rather than those with whom you remain angry.

Photo taken at the FDR Memorial in Washington, D. C.

PTSD and Ambiguous Loss 6

Bullying, Bystanders, Emotional Scars, Healing, Schools, Teachers • Tags: , , , , , , ,

In When Someone You Love Suffers From Posttraumatic Stress, by Claudia Zayfert, PhD and Jason C. DeViva, PhD , they define ambiguous loss as a “term used to describe any situation in which a loved one is absent in some ways but present in others.” They further explain that this can be when a person is present physically, but is not participating in family life. This describes my family.

The thing is we are still a family and at times we still act like one. However, there are other times, we are not. This may sound like a typical family with a teenager to some of you. It is not.

I am not talking about typical teenage rebellion or pulling away. I am talking about a talented, kindhearted child, who wants to be alone, yet still wants me to be present. The two are contradictory I know, still there it is. She needs me to be present, yet invisible. She needs control of the boundaries she establishes, while at the same time she cannot accept that I too need boundaries. I frequently walk on eggshells as I try to help her.

The more I learn, the more I understand and believe me I understand more than most. Yet, I am at risk. I am at risk for what the book describes as “secondary trauma.” Many family members of those with PTSD have signs of anxiety, depression and PTSD themselves. This is why I get angry when I see people related to the year my daughter experienced bullying. They are all moving forward; this includes the bullies and their families.

We have done many things right to help my daughter. She still talks to me, she still has goals. We take baby-steps in positive directions. She has relived the events too many times already, and does not want to talk about it anymore. She received counseling after the event and was doing better until the school that previously had been supportive let her down completely.

She knows in her heart that it is not her fault, but in some ways the school’s failure caused her to start over at square one and to lose the years of progress. All of the professionals who let her down previously make it hard to trust any of them, and I understand this.

Today I found a wonderful book to help her,The PTSD Workbook. I am also trying to take care of myself, so I can continue to help her. My husband gave me a better camera for Christmas and I am taking pictures of nature as I take my walks. Like the faint rainbow above, there is a glimmer of hope.

Coping With Emotional Scars of Bullying 1

Autism Spectrum, Bullying, Emotional Scars • Tags: ,
Mia Lung is a character in the novel, Delightfully Different. ©D. S. Walker

Mia Lung is a character in the novel, Delightfully Different. ©D. S. Walker

The following is an excerpt from my book, Delightfully Different. Mia is talking as she tries to heal from the emotional scars bullying left.

Part of me wanted to become an advocate for all of the kids who were delightfully different like me. Delightfully different was what Mom called me. I still wasn’t brave enough to speak up. I didn’t trust people enough yet. I wanted to believe there were good people who would understand; unfortunately, our society seemed mean to me. There were TV shows where people ambushed their “friends,” so they could tell them how awfully they dressed. There were people who posted things on the Internet about my generation. They said, “This generation needs to get tougher. Their parents overprotect them. There has always been bullying of kids who are different.”

They said that those of us who were different just needed to learn to fit in, as if it were our fault that we were mistreated. They didn’t think that society should make accommodations for us at all. They implied that our sensory issues were something that our overprotective parents invented. They even blamed our parents for our sensory issues.

Our society was advancing technically, but it was returning to an age of barbarians in terms of the way we treated others. Honestly, what gave anyone the right to judge what I or anyone else wore? Why should I have to be just like everyone else? More important, why would I want to?

Mia’s mom explains to her that she has to learn to forgive to avoid becoming the mean one and I firmly believe this is true.  I hope once people are better educated about how bullying affects those on the Autism Spectrum, that others will come to the aid of the victims, and support them the way they currently support kids who have a physical illness or injury.  That is my dream for the future.  For with understanding and support, I truly believe we can eliminate bullies or at least eliminate any power they have to harm others.