Gratitude for Inspiring Daughter 11

I am proud of both of my children as I have mentioned before on this blog.  This week I am particularly grateful for and proud of how mature my daughter has become.  We enrolled her in a prestigious private school when she was five.  This was before she had the diagnosis of Asperger’s.  

She has done extremely well academically, yet we had recent struggles related to past bullying at her school and years of being misunderstood.  She made a difficult decision this week and handled it with great maturity for any child who is fifteen years old, let alone a fifteen year old on the autism spectrum.  We have encouraged her to become her own advocate and she has.  She even met with and politely informed the Dean of her school of her decision and the reason behind it.  Both her dad and I are so proud of her and stand behind her decision 100 percent. 

         

Trust Is a Fragile Thing 14

Every Child Deserves Acceptance and Love

This is a picture of my innocent child with her grandfather in a shared moment of happiness.  She did not get to know her wonderful grandfather because this was his last birthday.  This child like every child on earth deserves understanding, acceptance, and love.

How Do You Recover Lost Trust?

Two days ago the Word Press post-a-day topic was a question.  “How do you recover lost trust?”  The bonus promote was:  “If someone lets you down or betrays you, how do you learn to forgive?  And can you possibly learn to trust them again?  Why or why not?”

I have repeatedly mentioned that I believe in forgiveness.  I have explained why in prior posts so I am not going to repeat myself today.  You can click Forgiveness and Gratitude from the menu at the top of this page for more information. However, I do want you to understand that I too still struggle with forgiveness as my child still struggles with the effects of being misunderstood and with the effects of past bullying.

One of the effects is lost trust. My child lost trust in doctors because doctors misdiagnosed her when she had classic traits of Asperger’s and  sensory sensitivities from the time she was a toddler. We took her to these doctors. We listened to their poor advice before I finally said enough and took her for a full evaluation with a neuropsychologist where we first heard the word Asperger’s.

More Trust Lost

Our family was just starting to mend when bullies made things worse. This resulted in more lost trust as we had to force her to go to school on the advice of the school and the psychologist. We tried to convince her to switch schools the following year; however, Asperger’s makes change difficult and we did not insist because the school worked with us.

Prayers and Education

I pray everyday for help to forgive those who hurt my child. I am not sure how to get trust back, but I believe forgiveness will help. This is why I wrote the book. That is why it is so important to educate others.

Please help me educate others so no more sweet innocent children are misunderstood or mistreated.

Addendum

My daughter left the school of her dreams after this publication when an English teacher single-handedly decided that my daughter was too “high functioning” to have Asperger’s. This same teacher reported my daughter as a disciplinary problem when she missed school due to sinus infections with laryngitis brought on by stress.

This was while the school counselor and I were trying to help my daughter with issues related to the long-term effects of bullying and still having to deal with those involved. The combination of the teacher’s attitude and the other things she was dealing with caused my daughter to shut down. Yet, she managed to bravely tell the school dean of her decision to withdraw from the school due to their failures. You can read about it here: Gratitude for Inspiring Daughter. That was almost two years ago and during that time I have helped my daughter with symptoms of PTSD while working to forgive all the people who failed her including us.

She is on the mend and dreams of going away to college to escape Oahu and start fresh. You can help her accomplish this goal by sharing our story and purchasing my novel. Right now her dream college is out of our budget. BTW We live on an island in the middle of the Pacific, so the only way she can go away is to pay out-of-state tuition.

A Sibling Is a Gift 9

I often tell my daughter that her brother is the best gift I ever gave her and I honestly mean this. Of course having an older sibling is also a gift. There are several reasons I believe having a sibling is a gift.

The first is that you have someone who shares many of the same life experiences. They know exactly what you mean when you refer to a funny family story. Plus, when you want your parents to change a rule, you have an ally, and if Mom and Dad seem unreasonable there is someone to agree with you.

Siblings are our first friends and they help us to learn valuable life skills. We learn negotiation skills and tolerance of differences by working to resolve disagreements that arise with our siblings. Working together to get something you both want also gives you team building skills.

People may think being the younger sibling of someone on the autism spectrum is hard. However, my son and I both know that the hardest part of our lives has never been related to his sister’s diagnosis. The hardest part has all been related to the bullying.

This made my son much more aware of bullying issues than many of his peers. He talks to me about things that happen at school because he knows he can trust me to try to help him resolve issues. He knows keeping quiet or allowing someone to get away with abusing someone is wrong. He still has trouble with not wanting to “tattle,” but he does realize the value of the bystander and that “reporting,” people who harm others is important. These are all things he learned from having a sibling.

The value of siblings does not end after you are grown either. I am grateful for my brothers still. Two of them were there for our parents when I was far away. The third was also far away; therefore, I have someone who understands how hard being away from home was as my parents aged. My husband and I have implemented plans to try to diminish the burden on our children as we age. Still, I think they will be grateful for each other when the time comes for them to take on the responsibility of making hard adult decisions.

The Importance of Bystanders 11

Thankfully, I had parents who taught me to help people in trouble and yet, until my thirties I did not always do this.  I have never left anyone wounded or bleeding, but there have been times when I have not stopped if I saw others were already at the scene.  I mentioned in a previous blog that I also regret not speaking up to help a friend when someone bullied her on the school bus when I was in high school.  It took me a while to really grow up, so I do get how hard it is for bystanders to step-up and help those in need, although I think it is time we worked to change the apathy within ourselves and others.

What I do not get is why in a time when bully prevention programs encourage bystanders to help, a mail carrier has to fight to try to get her job back after helping a young man who was in danger of being mauled by two pit bulls.  That is just wrong!  See this story:  Mail Carrier Tries to Get Job Back After Helping Boy | NBC Philadelphia.

What I do get and love is bystanders who do help and bloggers who post their stories and helpful information.  Read this post:  Tips for the Bully Bystander « Bullying Stories.

Warning the next link is disturbing, so I understand if you choose to skip it. 

This link includes two examples of how callous people are capable of being:  The Bystander Effect: Alive and Well, Page 2 of 2 – Associated Content from Yahoo! – associatedcontent.com.

The last two links are information from a teacher’s site about the Holocaust.  I am posting them because I really fear for our nation when bystanders do not speak-up and when I see a tolerance of meanness while kindness and acceptance of differences are seemingly MIA in some of our school age children.

A Teacher’s Guide to the Holocaust-Victims.

A Teachers Guide to the Holocaust-Bystanders.

Do you speak-up when you see someone being mistreated?  Do you encourage your children to speak-up too?