Category Archives: Autism Spectrum

Glee Needs to Apologize to Autism Community for Recent Episode 22

Autism Spectrum, Bullying, Tolerence • Tags: , , , ,

I hope all of you will write to Fox: askfox@fox.com to request an apology from the writers of Glee.  They require the following: In order for us to quickly help you, would you be so kind as to email us with the following additional details:

Your City:

Your Fox Station:

Your Zip Code:

Actual Channel Tuned to:

Cable or Satellite or Antenna?:

–If cable or satellite, your provider?

Type of Set Top Box Used (Name and Model if available):

Are there other times when the problem happens (like during another show or during local news)?:

Here is my letter:

To Whom It May Concern,
I am writing because I have a sixteen year old daughter diagnosed with Asperger’s.  She was diagnosed when she was ten and experienced severe bullying at school in fifth grade.  She has never been initially rude to her teachers, she has near prefect pitch and she is unlikely to request any special privileges especially about something that would call attention to her.  Imagine my reaction to the most recent Glee episode where a character named Sugar, “self diagnosed” with Asperger’s, was rude to a teacher, demanding special privileges including the right to be rude to the teacher, and to join the Glee Club when she is unable to carry a tune.
My daughter recently left a school she loved and had attended for ten years due to an intolerant teacher not understanding how having Asperger’s and the long-term effects of bullying made one assignment impossible for her.  She is still trying to adjust to attending an on-line school.  She misses seeing her friends everyday and in case you are wondering, yes it is possible to have friends when you have Asperger’s.  Her friends are open-minded, caring, and wonderful people.
Imagine how seeing Asperger’s be the brunt of jokes would make my daughter and others feel.  I hope you can imagine and you will request the writers to offer a public apology for all the girls like my daughter who deserve so much more from a show that they love and that has previously shown tolerance for others.  Please help restore my faith in this show and in your network by responding.
Most sincerely,
Sue Kam
—
aka D. S. Walker
authordswalker.com
Delightfully Different Facebook Page
Twitter: @dswalkerauthor

Teachers Please Inspire and Support Our Children 8

Autism Spectrum, Education, Empathy, Schools • Tags: ,

I left a comment on a blog back in April about what I would want to tell the teachers of tomorrow. This is what I said:

“Please remind them that they have a responsibility to help our children and judging them does not help anyone. Remind them that they have a choice to be an inspiration or a detriment to our most vulnerable children. Advise them that even when children on the autism spectrum are teenagers they are not typical teenagers and asking them to write from a typical teenager’s perspective is ludicrous especially if a simple change in the assignment can avoid problems. Please beg them to assume the best rather than the worse about our children and to be aware that other things besides the class itself may affect our child’s ability to complete an assignment. Wrong assumptions can and do harm our children.”

Good teachers are the ones who are supportive of those who struggle either academically or socially without calling attention to the child. They promote kindness and tolerance and they avoid making assumptions. They realize each child is unique and they do not assume they know everything about a child on the autism spectrum or with any other diagnosis just because they have known other children with the same diagnosis. They realize past bullying can take years to overcome.  My daughter was fortunate to have a few of these teachers. 

Then we have teachers that bully our children as indicated in Teachers Bullying Your Child? Dealing With Teacher Problems.  Now, I cannot fathom a teacher intentionally harming a child, but I know many hurt my child whether they knowingly did so or not.  I believe they actually contributed to the bullying even if they did not knowingly bully her.  This has to stop!

One more thing that needs to stop is teachers who fail to recognize how long the effects of bullying last.  The teacher who ultimately caused my daughter to leave her school told me she did not see how bullying that happened over four years prior could still be affecting my daughter.  I have said it before and I am still saying it, the bullying caused more problems than Asperger’s traits and sensory sensitivity combined for my child.  My daughter’s school let us down by their lack of understanding.  Teachers, counselors, and school administration all need to read this, New Study Shows Long-Term Effects of Bullying Tied to Empathy « Bullying Stories and this, Long term effects of Bullying in girls and boys – Child Psychology and Parenting Blog: Child-Psych.org.

P.S. I have offered my services for free to my daughter’s former school, yet so far they have not accepted this offer. Maybe they think I have an agenda other than helping them, I do not know. I keep hearing stories about the same counselor making the same mistakes over and over again along with more bullying stories. I have to wonder why they are unwilling to accept help.

Therapy? What Therapy? 13

Asperger's Syndrome, Autism Spectrum, Best of Best on S-O-S Blog, Girls on Autism Spectrum, Sensory Sensitivity • Tags: , ,
This post is for Danette’s Best of Best at SOS Series where the topic this month is Therapy and Special Needs Children

First, a disclaimer.  This post only represents my point of view as it relates to my family and my child.  Everyone has to make the best decision for their child based on the best information they have.   

Therapy was practically nonexistent for my child. The initial psychologist did not realize my daughter was on the autism spectrum although we told him about her sensory issues with smells, clothes, and sound.  He told us to tell her that she was being silly and like dummies we listened to him.  He knew she had trouble with some of her friends and with transitions too.  I do not remember if we specifically talked to him about her literal thinking, but he knew she had trouble sleeping and for over three years he had the psychiatrist prescribe various medications for her for various diagnoses.  None of them worked well and all of them had side effects. 

I finally said enough! I weaned her off the medications and took her for three full days of evaluation with a neuropsychologist who gave her the diagnosis of Asperger’s.  I started reading everything I could get my hands on including Tony Attwood’s wonderful book The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome.  All of her symptoms suddenly made sense.  We had the right diagnosis, but we still did not have real help.  The neuropsychologist only had social skills classes for boys at the time and she did not offer any other services.  We moved our daughter’s bed away from the window and got her a sound soother and tried aroma therapy to help her to sleep.  We told her to read quietly in bed if she woke up and could not go back to sleep.  We got her Sims to play since it was popular with the girls at her school.  She also joined Girl Scouts.

We were reaching for anything that would help and when an optometrist suggested vision therapy might be the answer we jumped at it although it was not covered by insurance.  Over five thousand dollars later, we realized that he was not doing anything for our daughter that she had not done previously.  Plus, he actually thought she needed remedial help when she did not.  He jumped to this conclusion because she did not talk to him.  She did not talk to him because he insulted her intelligence and she did not like him. She took three years of ballet, a semester of gymnastics, a semester of musical theater and two years of tennis before we ever sent her to the optometrist all of which helped her coördination and balance.

I worked with her from the time she was a baby in more ways than I realized too.  I helped her play dress up in my old clothes.  I sat down with her for tea parties at her little table.  We blew bubbles in the backyard from the time she was old enough to walk.  We played with Play Dough and finger paint and we did puzzles.  I let her sit on the kitchen floor and play with a bowl of uncooked rice as I cooked.  Later, I added a big spoon for her to stir.  I helped her build with Lego’s and I used them to help her learn to count.  I talked to her constantly and pointed out colors and names of everything we saw.  A large alphabet foam floor mat helped her learn her letters.  When she had trouble pronouncing some words I showed her how to form the sounds.  We never talked down to her and she now has a bigger vocabulary and speaks better than I do.

So many things helped mask the true diagnosis.  I read to her from the time she was six weeks old using my finger to point to the words and the corresponding pictures, minimally twice a day.  I sat on the floor in her room with her and her Dr. Seuss books to help her learn to read when she was four.  I showed her how to put a bookmark under the line to help keep her place as she read.  She had a teacher who showed her how to remember b and d by using her hands to form the letters and we worked with her to help her learn left and right by having her wear a watch.

My daughter experienced severe bullying the year following the diagnosis and this caused me to find a psychologist who specialized in children on the autism spectrum to help her and us through the after effects.  This was the only therapy directly related to Asperger’s my daughter ever received. Yet, I see the value of therapy for many special needs children and I see the value of medication in limited cases although I think doctors need to be very careful when they prescribe psychiatric medications to children.  I also believe doctors need to listen to the primary caretakers and educate themselves about all of the symptoms of autism spectrum listed in the upcoming DSM, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel used to diagnose anything that falls under psychiatric services in the United States.

A big part of the problem in our case related directly to the lack of understanding of her sensory challenges.  The current DSM does not include sensory issues in the diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome.  I hope having Asperger’s Syndrome included in the autism criteria with the sensory traits being a part of the criteria will help others.  Life is easier when you understand your child and you have the tools to help them.  We did not help her enough with some of the sensory sensitivities because we did not understand.  This caused problems for her and for us.  It also caused her teachers to fail her and contributed to the bullying.  Understanding and getting the right help makes a world of difference.

Major Guilt and Buckets of Tears 16

Asperger's Syndrome, Autism Spectrum, Differences, Family, Forgiveness, Girls on Autism Spectrum, Gratitude • Tags: , , ,

It is either already or almost Thursday in much of the world so instead of Wordless Wednesday I share this post inspired by Breathe In Now « Try Defying Gravity.

Mistakes Made, Opportunities Missed and Guilt

I still cry sometimes over all the mistakes made and the opportunities missed. I think it is a common parental condition that comes with the autism spectrum diagnosis. I usually try to avoid talking about it publicly because I know my daughter hates to see me cry, not because she does not care, but because she cares too much. The diagnosis does not bring the tears in my case, the guilt does. All the years we failed to understand her and caused her life to be more of a struggle than it should have been bring tears.

Opportunities Missed: More Understanding, More Family Time, and More Travel

There are buckets of tears for opportunities that we missed, not for more therapy, but for more understanding, for more family time including travel that included consideration of her sensory sensitivities. The tears flow over the visits to Georgia never taken to visit my family after disastrous travel experiences due to our lack of understanding of transitional and sensory difficulties. I flew to Dad’s funeral alone when she was fourteen months old for this reason and to Mom’s bedside as she lay dying, alone again, for the same reason. I cry for all the times I failed to adequately explain to family and friends how much I wanted to be there and why I could not.

Others’ Lack of Understanding and Condemnation Including Doctors

Rivers of tears fall when I remember all the times I failed to protect her from others’ lack of understanding and from their condemnation of her and us. I cry for all the years we allowed doctors to treat her like a lab rat instead of a child with a big heart. I cry for the years we treated her differences like they are something to be ashamed of when they are not.

Seeing Her Heart

More tears for every time people have let her down and I have failed to call them on it. Many still do not see the heart of my delightful child who is now a wonderful teenager, soon to spread her wings as she blossoms into an exceptional young woman. I cry because I cannot get all those wasted opportunities back.

Cherishing Now

The best I can do is cherish the time we have today and hope and pray for more joy in her life in all of her tomorrows.  I encourage her as she shares her story, and I work to educate others so other little girls and their families benefit from our mistakes.  I work on forgiving myself and others, as I hope and pray for a future where acceptance and kindness are the norm regardless of people’s differences. I also pray everyday asking God to send his angels to watch over my family and to help heal the world.  I am grateful for the Delightfully Different Life I get to share and for the opportunity to educate others.