Still Working on Forgiveness and Emotional Healing 5

I did not plan to do a post today, but I find I need to write. Yesterday was all about fun. Still, in the mist of having a good time with good friends, my anger about the bullying surfaced. I saw someone who triggered it. She wasn’t mean to my daughter, she was merely a bystander, so by all rights she does not deserve my anger, and I am not really angry at her.

Yet, somehow seeing anyone from that year, except for my daughter’s two closest friends, brings back the pain. Maybe it is because my daughter does not feel like she can go places for fear of running into those who hurt her.

Yesterday helped me to understand how she feels and why. Honolulu is a big city in some ways, but Oahu is still a small island and it is nearly impossible to avoid seeing someone who knows you when you venture out. Maybe if we were completely healed from the emotional pain this would not be a problem. Unfortunately, we are not healed.

This week I have begun to understand why. You see others do not understand our pain. The school has never apologized to my daughter for letting her down. They do not realize this causes her to suffer more. I suspect their reasoning is related to fear of being sued. This is the way society functions. No one admits their mistakes and takes accountability for them because of this fear.

We deny responsibility for our actions to protect our reputations and our finances. Doing the right thing rarely comes into play. Yet, if we did the right thing instead of fearing the outcome, wouldn’t the world be a better place?

Studies show that people do not sue those they like, so as individuals shouldn’t we work to become a likeable person? Shouldn’t companies and schools do the same thing? If we all did the right thing, couldn’t we avoid lawsuits and have a happier society?

I have to overcome my anger and contact my daughter’s former school and ask them for an apology and ask them to let me help educate them about ways they can avoid repeating mistakes they made with my daughter. I have to offer forgiveness too, so I can heal. I owe this to my daughter. It is time to truly heal the deep wound instead of letting it continue to fester.

Please come back tomorrow for a second guest post from Signe Whitson on bullying that includes some ways to help the bullied child. Please support the families who lost a loved one and the survivors of bullying. Send them an e-mail, a card, etc. letting them know you support them. Little gestures mean so much!


  1. Pingback: PTSD and Ambiguous Loss « Delightfully Different Life

  2. I’m sorry to read that you are struggling with the pain, but your decision to contact the school is wise. Take care of your child and yourself…

  3. It is really hard to see the people that caused the pain. I believe it is post traumatic stress disorder. Unfortunately I am not sure that you will get an apology from the school and I am not sure it will matter much if you get one. I ran into someone from my son’s old school a few weeks ago. It was so upsetting I wasn’t even able to blog about it. Like you it wasn’t someone directly involved but she did apologize for what happened. I had really mixed feelings about it and almost didn’t tell my son. I ended up telling him and he became upset and said it didn’t matter unless they could “erase his memories.” He hasn’t gone to school there for about 4 years but clearly he has not completely healed. I hope that you find forgiveness as it is a hard burden to carry around.

    • I am sure you are right about it being PTSD, and I do know an apology will not erase the memories, but my daughter wants and needs an apology and more importantly, she deserves one. I am hoping they will see that it is the right thing to do.

      I know we still have a long road ahead, but even baby steps in the right direction help.

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